“Disappointments are to the soul what the thunder-storm is to the air”

Having spent a good decade in the public eye (having been on the radio and now on horseracing television) I have been called plenty of things.  A lot of which have not been good.

Funny enough, I can remember most of them... some all time favourites:
- babbyling barfbag
- stupid
- idiotic
- useless

Oh and then there's been so doozy comments as well, my all-time faves being that I slept my way to my job(s)... because clearly I didn't get to where I am on my own merits. 

I generally take these comments as a compliment - anyone who's in media knows they haven't made it until they've been slammed on a public internet forum for the world to see.  I think it's similar to a star being featured in Fashion Police - it's like a hazing, when you know you've finally made it!

Generally these comments bother me for an hour or two, I have a little piss-off and then get on with my life (because let's be honest, if these people were so awesome they'd be DOING what I'm doing, not WRITING about it, right?)

But yesterday something happened, that bothered me so deeply I was upset the entire day - close to tears even thinking about it.  Something that bothered me on a level I am not used to feeling... my parents told me they were "disappointed" in me.

No words have ever hurt so deeply.

Anyone who knows me, or has read this blog, or my facebook page, know that they are the two most important people in life (along with Jared), and that I would do practically anything they asked of me. 

I told my father last week, that I would do his Sunday morning run with him.  He's training for his first ever Sun Run10km and I'm so proud of him.  But I also told him, Sunday is my only day off, so I would not be setting my alarm and I'd call him when I woke up.  Well, I slept in.  Slept in-in. Like 1030am slept-in.  I haven't slept until 1030am in years... I just don't.  I love to be up early, go to the gym, have my coffee and feel like the whole city is mine... but I have been exhausted lately.  I am practically working 3 full time jobs, and the amount of pressure that has been put on me (mostly by myself, but certainly a bit from the corporation) is like nothing I've ever felt before.  So I guess the week just caught up with me and I slept.

The second I looked at my clock I lost it!  And picked up the phone immediately... he was already gone and I was told they were disappointed in me and that I let them down.  I hate letting people down - well, I hate letting people I love and respect down. 

I apologized profusely and will most likely beat myself up over this for the next few days - and I'll also try to justify it to myself.  Should I have set my alarm?  Am I a total letdown?  How could I have hurt my parents, who do nothing but support and love me?

There's one thing I know for sure - I'd rather be called a "babbyling barfbag" anyday.