Hear That Ticking? No, me neither...

My best friend Angie has the cutest baby alive.  No, I'm serious.  He is absolutely, without a doubt one of the cutest small specimens I have ever seen in my life.

And Angie, who I have been pretty much inseperable from for years now, seems so unbelievably happy.  She honestly radiates an energy I have never seen from her before.  Not to mention her skin is perfect, her hair is shiny and she's probably the thinnest she's been since the inception of our friendship.

Motherhood seems great - and her baby just makes me smile.

But it's become more apparent to me over the past 6 months of her son's life, I don't want children.

I've ALWAYS known that I have no interest in becoming a mother.  I'm not maternal, I'm selfish and can be quite shallow, and I just really, really don't want any.  And my entire life, practically everyone around me has said "oh you'll change your mind when you meet the right guy and your friends start having babies."

Hmmm - the right guy has come along (in fact, one of my first dates with Jared he told me he didn't want children.  I knew then and there that this was the man for me), and I still don't want any.  We have a lovely home, which has more than enough room for a nursery.  No thank you.  That's the room we watch tv in.

And while a lot of my friends are so happy and thrilled to be spending their evenings at home nursing their beautiful children, Jared and I are out trying new restaurants and having martini's at cute little lounges around Vancouver.  I have no interest in giving that up.

For years I have battled a touch of guilt about not wanting any children.  Isn't it my duty as a female to want to reproduce and grow a life?  I once read an article about Kate Hudson who felt it was her only reason to be on Earth (to reproduce).  Was there something wrong with me that I didn't want that?  Was there physically something in my DNA that has made me this way?

As I've grown older, I realize "hey this is who I am".  And while my friends post beautiful baby pictures of their children on facebook, I giggle at their wobbly heads and round tummies:  oh I just want to squeeze Angie's baby and watch him grow up.  But do I want one of my own?  Still a resounding "no".

So, for now and most likely the rest of my life, I'll live motherhood through the stories of my friends.  I'll buy new clothes for the little tot's in my life and be cool Auntie kg.  And while they post photos of their sweet little bums on facebook in those outfits I bought, I'll post photos of my wardrobe, bird and adventures with Jared.  And I'm perfectly okay with that.